Did you see that article in the Sunday New York Times Style section by Sheila Marikar: “Planners Adapt as Gay Unions Become More Common”? It immediately caught our attention since we’ve been talking about wanting to cover this topic here at Luxe Lounge as the landscape of this topic is changing at such a rapid pace. Today gay marriage is legal in seventeen states. Five years ago it was only legal in two. One of our initial questions: are there wedding planners out there who specifically cater to same sex weddings? This was immediately answered with a resounding “yes” after a very cursory Google search, during which we came up with more than a few credible and highly successful companies, including most notably 14 Stories, along with many very thorough gay and lesbian planning Web sites including Engayged Weddings and Equally Wed. 14 Stories and Equally Wed were also both featured in the Times piece. We were curious about, the possible challenges, if any, these wedding planners and sites would tackle.
14 Stories stands out as the original and perhaps most esteemed of the same sex wedding planning sites. On their site they explain: “Our goal is not just to plan innovative, distinctive weddings but also promote marriage equality and reduce homophobia in the wedding industry through our educational seminars for wedding professionals around the world.” The company’s blog features highlights with many of their clients’ weddings as well as various features and tips and tricks about all aspects of wedding planning. Same sex couples are encouraged to be aware of the services available to them through local chamber of commerce. This is the unique and refreshing aspect of a company like 14 Stories: theirs is a very professional platform from which the founders can continue to make a difference. For example, Bernadette Coveney Smith, the President of 14 Stories, strongly encourages same sex couples to use celebrants. “Whenever possible, I encourage LGBT couples to use a Celebrant to officiate their gay wedding ceremony. Not everyone who is a non-denominational minister is a Celebrant. Those who are officially Celebrants have taken intensive coursework on world cultures and traditions and been taught how to use stories to create custom ceremonies. The curriculum is rigorous!”
My oldest friend married her partner in a beautiful small ceremony six years ago in Nantucket. She explained to me that they wrote their own vows by researching non-traditional/same sex vows online. She also shared with me: “We spent the night before our wedding together, which isn’t the norm, most people gay or straight don’t stay with one another. We had breakfast together and alone that morning- which was very nice and grounding. It was a great way to already reflect on the party we had the night before and get excited together for that day. We also helped each other get dressed and get ready beforehand- so we didn’t have many elements of surprise about seeing one another but I am very happy we did it that way. I got to spend the entire day with MB and go through the entire experience together- from the nerves, to excitement, everything.”
Though some same sex weddings may reject the traditional more conservative side of wedding planning, there are plenty of partners who embrace tradition and wish to host weddings that include the customary time-honored wedding practices. In the Times piece, Marikar explains: “Now that about a third of the states allow same-sex marriages, couples are casting a wider net when it comes to wedding planning, and the desire for something ‘gay specific’ is giving way to ‘gay friendly.’ That change in attitude has inspired a new set of entrepreneurs offering products and services that are comprehensive and sophisticated — and, in most cases, pointedly inclusive of gay and straight couples alike.” This is the direction we are headed. In the future there will be no need for same sex wedding planners because weddings will just be weddings.
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Liz Mathews is a Connecticut based mother, teacher, and freelance writer who blogs on children’s books and related topics at La La La (http://lalalaliz.com/). Her work has appeared in Quality Women’s Fiction, Town and Country magazine, and Literary Mama.
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